"I can talk the talk, but I'm struggling to walk the walk"
Sometimes we feel like we know all the 'right' answers, but our lives, relationships or circumstances continue to feel so difficult. Many of us can give great sounding advice to others. Or we know the changes we 'should' be making that would benefit us.... and yet we struggle to do them. And when we are struggling, being told to do things that we already know we should be doing but for whatever reason we are struggling to do, can lead to low self-worth and shame. So how is counselling any different? Counselling can provide 'solutions' along the way, but it also invites you into greater self-understanding, self-investment and intergration of your past experiences with your current difficulties. Counselling is often about changing or reframing the questions we are asking ourselves, which in turn leads us to better answers and solutions to our difficulties. If you feel like you can often give all the 'right' answers, yet it doesn't change your day-to-day reality, I'd love to speak to you to discuss how counselling may be for you.
Trust
We are all trust dealers - we give it, recieve it, we offer it, and we withhold it. So if trust is all around us, why can trusting others be so difficult, painful of even traumatic? Many of us do not consciously or regularly think about trust, but we are effected by it every day. For others of us, we are perhaps hyper-vigilant and consciously ask ourselves 'can I trust this person, situation, opportunity, or feeling?' When trust has been lost or abused in the past it can make life very painful and difficult to navigate. Being unable to trust others, trust ourselves or to be trusted ourselves can damage the things we care the most about too. Equally if someone in your life struggles with trust it can have cause difficulties in your connection with them. If you feel the subject of trust might be impacting your life in ways you do not want it to, please get in touch so we can discuss whether counselling may be helpful for you at this time.
"Not my story"
Many of us have experienced supporting someone else in their situation, pain of difficulties. So what do we do when it's 'not our story', but we have personally been deeply impacted by that story?​ Often we can be very good at encouraging others to take care of themselves. Perhaps you have supported someone through their own mental ill health, grief, addiction or a stressful situation? Or you may have been deeply impacted by someone elses actions or difficulties. Perhaps a family member, colleague, neighbour has experienced something that has left you with thoughts or feelings of your own that are difficult or confusing. Even if the orignal difficulty was 'not your story', counselling can provide a chance to process your own experiences. If this resonates with you and wonder if you may benefit from counselling, please do get in touch and I would be happy to discuss this further with you.
Grief
Grief is most commonly associated with the loss of a loved person. However, grief can be experienced for many other things too. Grief doesn't alway have to involve a bereavement, although this is a very common form of grief. From life changing losses to inconvenient losses - we have all experienced some sort of loss. What has been your experience of loss and how did you cope with that? Perhaps you have experiences the loss of a dream or expectation, a friendship, a job, a significant posession, the loss of faith or of your sense of identity. You may have not wanted to tell someone how you were feeling because it didn't fit your idea of what loss and grief is. If this resonates with you, or you think you may be grieving in some way, I would love to hear from you to discuss how I could support you in that.
Can i have faith
and still need counselling?
If you are a person of faith, this can be a very real and concerning question when life is proving painful or difficult. Even asking this question might feel embarrasing. If you have a faith, you may feel a tension between believing that your faith 'should be enough' for all circumstances you face, and considering whether to get some professional support. It may also be very important to you that you find a counsellor who shares aspects of your beliefs and faith. If this is something you have considered, I would be very happy to hear from you, answer any questions, and share my own understanding of faith and counselling and whether they can be complimentary rather than in conflict.
Who is the expert?
From adulting to parenting, from finances to relationships sometimes we justwant an expert to 'give us the answer'. So when it comes to our lives is there an expert we can turn to? At the heart of person-centered counselling is a belief that all humans are capable, and given the right environment, they are always seeking ways to grow, thrive, connect and be safe. Unfortunately however, life and our experiences can seem to be at war with that belief. But when you come to Lifeboat Counselling, you will be met by the belief that you are capable of change (if change is what you are looking for), insightful about yourself, valuable as an individual, and that your experiences are valid aspects of who you have become at this point in time. Counselling can help us explore the difference between wanting someone to give us the answers or 'fix something' for us, and perhaps simply needing support and a professionally skilled companion as we do the work ourselves, for ourselves.
What is
emotional pain?
Just as with physical pain, people can experience pain differently. So what do we do with the pain that paracetamol can't fix? Sometimes the intensity of a thought or feeling can knock us off course in life. The instinct to relieve the pain we're feeling can lead us to make choices we wouldn't normally consider. Equally, emotional pain can make life feel like we are trying to walk through thick mud. Perhaps you've been encouraged by others to 'get past it' or 'just forget about it'. Emotional pain can be an ache that you have learned (or tried to) 'just live with'. Or it can be a sharp shocking stab of emotions. If you are living with emotional pain that is impacting your life and wellbeing, it doesn't have to stay that way. I would love to hear from you and we can discuss what support counselling may be able to offer you.
Control
There is something about control.... we need it, we fear it, we have experienced it, we fight over it, and we can give it. But what if control has been a damaging part of our life? Being negatively controlled by someone else can be anything from a bit annoying to deeply traumatic. Equally, feeling the need to control everything about our own lives can leave us feeling trapped, stressed and unsafe in our own minds, bodies and cirumstances. Perhaps you notice that just the word 'control' causes a physical or emotional reaction within you. Or perhaps you are unsure about how to positively and responsibly use any control (power, authority, influence, leadership) you may have to protect, safeguard or guide others? If this is a subject you resonate with and think you may want to explore for yourself, please get in touch and I'd be happy to discuss this with you.
Loyalty
Loyalty can be a rewarding part of our relationships. Knowing someone 'has your back', or would defend you if you weren't present to defend ourselves can build our self-esteem. But can loyalty ever be a negative thing? Sometimes loyalty to someone or something can leave us feeling really 'stuck', especially if that loyalty is 'expected' of us. Perhaps the idea of starting counselling and talking about difficulties in your life feels like disloyalty. It may also be that loyalty to someone or something else has made you feel like looking after your own wellbeing is less of a priority. This is why the confidential, non-judgemental space that counselling provides can feel like being able to finally take a deep breath, knowing that your can speak honestly and privately about your feelings and experiences. If something in this post resonates with you, I would be very happy to chat through any concerns you may have about starting counselling.